Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

At his engagement party, the guy confided to a friend, “I turned over a new leaf and abstained from sex with my fiancée, but before that I was quite promiscuous.” Winking and gesturing, he boasted, “I’ve had sex with every female in this room except for my sister and my fiancée.” “Wow,” chuckled his friend, “between the two of us, we’ve had them all!”

"Three," I replied honestly. Apparently that was a problem.

He said, “It wasn't yours.”

A farmer has a cow with horrible diarrhea and can't figure out how to make it stop, so they call the top scientists in the area, and three respond. One suggests a diaper, but the other two dismiss the idea as preposterous. The second suggests using the results as fertilizer, but the third points out that this does not resolve the problem. The third comes up with the solution, and they all agree, a large plug. This solution works for a while until the cow begins to expand from all the compacted feces. The three scientists decide that the best solution would be to train a monkey to go in and retrieve the plug so as to avoid human injury. Later, at the hospital, the doctors ask the scientists what they remember of what happened. The first scientist describes the horrible, unbearable smell. The second scientist recalls the feeling of being drenched in thousands of pounds of cow diarrhea. When the doctor gets to the third scientist, they say, "All I remember is the poor monkey trying to put the plug back in!" Credit to u/thraway4242

I’ll never rent from them again

"This is a helluva way to spend Easter."

Eats a serving of best pasta , Stands up, takes a pistol out of his side pocket, and start to walk away, The manager asks him what is the meanings of this The panda replies, look for the meanings in a dictionary. Manager finds a dictionary, and the entry is Panda: A bear like animal who eats shoots and leaves.

Well that's what I get for hiring a RENOvation company

The pastor tells them how to find Jesus

The black box was found and the investigators listened to the pilots' conversation, and they instantly knew the cause of the crash was poor visibility. The last words of the pilots was "DAM DUDE!"

The government will issue soylent green cards to all immigrants.

Now I'm banned from the Baseball team, it turns out you can't tackle the pitcher like that and call it a sack.

They’re my ten-aunts

He said nothing. Which, honestly, is the correct answer and kind of impressive.

Their age range on dating apps.

...I really don't know why I was expecting fast results?

My calculations today indicate I can retire 10 years after I die.

He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, "Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all. It's overwhelming! What can you give me for it?" "Hmm," replied the lady, "This is a tough one. I'll have to confer with my sister." After talking to her sister she came back and said, "Well, the best we can do is a furnished apartment, $500 a week and half ownership of the pharmacy."

Mustard Point.

I’ve been told I have this crazy talent where I can be blackout drunk and not slur at all! It’s When I’m completely sober that I’m racist.

Ghee-hee!

Head father says the rule is no talking for a year then he can say 2 words at years end.1st year ends and the father says " how was your 1styear?". He says," Bed hard." Next year he said " Food bad". 3rd year ends and the Father asked " How was the past year? Monk says " I quit!!!" Father says, " No surprise, you've done nothing but complain!"

Hey you can't come in here! This area is for staff only!

*Mind your own bismuth!*

There once was an Abby with beautiful gardens. But the building was in dire need of repairs. The monks living at the Abby could do the work to make the necessary repairs, however the funds were scarce and they could not afford materials. One brother suggested they sell flowers from the garden to raise the money needed. This seemed like a good idea so the monks began gathering and arranging the flowers. They start selling their flowers from a table outside the Abby. The monks meet with great success and are raising plenty of money for the Abby. Across town a family flower shop starts feeling the pinch from the competition. After asking the monks nicely to stop selling their flowers they decide to take more, influential methods and hired a local tough named Hugh. After single visit from Hugh the monks decided they had enough money and closed their flower business, proving once and for that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

The Navigator

They both disappear if you pee on them.

with a *sting* operation.

Both fall over if you hit them with an axe enough times.

Captured by Indians tied to a stake the Indians went to gather wood to burn him he called Silver his trusty horse over whispered in his ear the horse galloped off toward town a while later his horse returned carrying a beautiful naked blonde the Lone Ranger yelled out I said posse