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avatar OZFox42 7 day.agoA man and a woman were out on a first date together.

Everything was going great and they were getting along really well, when out of nowhere the woman commented on the size of the man’s hands and feet. "I didn't notice earlier, but you have remarkably small hands and feet!" The man taken aback by such an unexpected observation thought quickly and replied somewhat flirtatiously, "Well, it’s because my testosterone focused on other parts of my body, if you know what I mean..." giving the woman a cheeky wink as he finished speaking. The woman, rather impressed and turned on by his smooth response slides across closer to the man and puts her hand on his thigh, at which point the guy continued, "Yeah, I have a really hairy back."

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Is Google a man or a woman?

Obviously a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without offering suggestions.

2. My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32.

Really ruined our 10th anniversary.

3. What do you call a Jewish Pokémon trainer?

Ash.

4. What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?

The perfect rape victim!

5. What is the only problem with the new netherite armor?

You might get shot by the police.

6. How about instead of Black or All Lives Matter...

...we go with Human Lives Matter? That way, it excludes the niggers.

7. What’s the difference between a gorilla and a black guy

The gorilla has a dad

8. What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

9. Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

You can’t take pills on an empty stomach

10. Stop saying that your life is a joke.

It's not, jokes have meaning.

11. What is the national bird of iraq?

The drone

12. How can you tell if a Mexican is having a seizure?

Listen for maracas

13. What's the fastest land animal in the world?

A Jew with a coupon.

14. Spreading a woman's legs is like spreading butter...

It can be done with a credit card, but I prefer to use a knife.

15. What does LGBTQ stand for?

Let God Burn Them Quickly

16. What's the difference between santa Claus and a Jew?

Santa Claus goes down your chimney

17. Why can't chinese people play baseball?

They would eat the bat

18. What’s the difference between garbage and an Irish girl?

Garbage gets picked up

19. My Grandpa, he always had it hard on my generation...

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, *your* generation relies too much on technology!" I then proceeded to unplug his life support.

20. Can you spare just $2?

Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He only has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day, Ranji has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes, and only the opposite pedal. If you send just $2, I’ll send you the video, it’s fucking hilarious.

21. I’m never gonna sell cotton candy in a black neighbourhood again. Especially when I told the kids that they can pick it themselves

Dialogue: Thor Lorgen

22. I wish my back yard lawn was emo

Then it would cut itself

23. Two priests are out driving one day

when they get pulled over by a police officer. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver "Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters" The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says; «Alright officer, we'll do it»

24. How many people with alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

25. A black kid complimented my shirt.

He said, "Nice shirt faggot." I replied, "Thanks, it's 100% cotton. Tell your grandparents I said thanks."

26. My grandma died just six days before my birthday

Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I had nothing to wish for.

27. I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you."

So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

28. What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students

A PDF file

29. If a Muslim beats his wife...

is he charged with assault, or child abuse?

30. What's the difference between /r/MeanJokes and your mother's cunt?

Your mother's cunt gets some new content every once in a while. Seriously, the amount of reposts going on in the past few months, both comments and posts, is sickening.

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