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avatar Scared-Tax-7156 7 day.agoAlex, Brain Charles went up the hill

Alex, Brian, Charles are best friends since they were kids, work together under the same company. They got sent to the neighbor country to negotiate some offer. They slept that night at a random hotel. The next thing they realized in the morning was the elevator are typically not working as they got cut off the electricity. The hotel they are staying has 90 floors. The fellas didn't have a choice and decided to use their feet to start walking down the stairs. Alex suggest a brilliant idea to the other two. "The first 30 floors, I will be telling a funniest story. Brian will be telling a scariest story for another 30 floors. Charles will be telling the saddest story. Alex started telling the funniest story for the first 30 floors. Brian took turn talking the scariest stories for the another 30 floors. When it is finally the turn for the Charles, he proudly started telling his saddest. Charles: 3 people went into a hotel that has 90 floors, the hotel's electricity got cut off but they have to got to work, they used stairs Alex: Wait, isn't that..? Brian: Nah, let him finish Charles: so they finally manged to land their feet on 1st floor, and >!one of the three forgot the car keys on the tables. !<

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A battered woman walks into a bar...

at least thats what she told her friends.

2. A poem for Micheal brown

There once a thug named brown, who bum rushed a cop with a frown, six bullets later, he met his creator, and his homies burnt down the town

3. What do you call the world's shittiest recycling center?

/r/MeanJokes

4. What do you call it when a mom has twin retards?

Doubling Down

5. My girlfriend is like a good steak on the grill.

Once it starts bleeding it's time to flip her over to the brown side

6. How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The lights out. How can you count them?

7. How is a woman like a condom

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

8. Racism is when you run over a black kid. Reverse racism is...

Reverse racism is when you back up over him again after.

9. Hillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives?

I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

10. what separates people from animals?

Mediterranean Sea

11. Little Johnny wakes up one night

Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing strange noises from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"

12. Say what you want about Hitler

At least he died doing the thing he loved, painting the walls.

13. Why did the Jewish kid ask for the wind direction?

To know which way his parents went.

14. The police are like a box of chocolates...

They kill your dog.

15. Black Lives Matter.

16. I saw a black guy walking down the road with a T.V. today...

and I thought to myself "hey that could be mine!", then I remembered mine was at home shining my boots.

17. What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

I'm not gonna leave a bag of cocaine in the car all day.

18. Yo Mama

Yo mama so slutty, she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

19. My wife suffers from a drinking problem

My wife suffers from a drinking problem. Oh, your wife is an alcoholic? No, I am. She’s the one who suffers.

20. What do a nigger and a bike have in common?

Neither works without a chain.

21. My girlfriend came home earlier than normal last night and caught me cheating on her.

I'm not sure what she was more upset about: that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic let me bring her home.

22. Turns out Jesus really WAS black

He lived at home until he was 30, was homeless for two years and wound up on death row

23. Retards are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

24. They say a woman's work is never done

maybe that's why they get paid less.

25. Why are murders in West Virginia so hard to solve?

There's never any dental records and all the DNA is the same.

26. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died

27. What starts with N, ends with R, and is something you don't want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

28. When the judge asked me why I stole the newborn from the adoption center, I simply replied:

“It’s not stealing if no one wants it”

29. Due to years of drinking and drugs, Ozzy Osbourne can handle a drink

He just can’t hold it

30. What’s black on top and white on the bottom?

Rape.

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