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avatar Rich-Suspect-9494 3 day.agoGrocery store…

A woman goes up to the man working in the produce aisle and says where is your broccoli? The produce man says we’re out of broccoli we will have some in the morning. He goes back to stacking his oranges in the same lady pecks him on the shoulder and says excuse me sir where is the broccoli? He says we are fresh out of broccoli. We will have some in the morning. He moves from the oranges over to the bananas and starts to work with them. The same woman taps him on the shoulder again and says sir can you tell me where the broccoli is? He says how do you spell cat as in catastrophic? She says C-A-T he says okay how do you spell dog As in dogmatic? She says D-O-G. He says okay how do you spell fuck as in broccoli? She says there is no fuck in broccoli. He said exactly lady, that’s what I been trying to tell you.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. This site can't handle mean jokes should be called softassjokes

2. When does a man’s hair start to turn white?

When his semen can’t find any other direction to release.

3. What’s the difference between a priest and woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes soft when a kid enters the room

4. From Belhop, to Bebop, to Hiphop

to OUCH STOP! rAPE!

5. What did Grace Kelly have that Natalie Wood could have used?

A good stroke.

6. How do you prepare your son for Catholic school?

Read them "Little Boy Blue." ^(Works better verbally)

7. How hard is it to spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?

It’s not hard.

8. If i had a dollar for every gender...

... I'd have $1.73

9. With cuts to education funding, America is looking to model schools after the Russian army.

When the student in front of you gets shot, pick up their book.

10. I’m not saying I hate you but if you were on fire and I had water…

I would drink it

11. What's the difference between an incompetently rolled joint and Kamala Harris?

One of them's a kak blunt, the other...

12. What are the best vulgar names to offend someone with?

13. Did you hear about the guy who couldn’t spell?

He spent a night in a warehouse.

14. What’s the difference between anxiety and panic?

Anxiety is the 1st time you can’t do it a 2nd time Panic is the 2nd time you can’t do it the 1st time.

15. My girlfriend told me that my dick is too small

I said it's for kids

16. Did you hear that the San Diego Chargers hired two nuns and a prostitute in the off season?

They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.

17. When you jump off a building….

You can only go One Direction

18. What's the difference between homework and class?

I at least pretend to be happy in class.

19. A boss man has to pick from 3 ladies currently working for him as his new assistant. He leaves $500 in each of their desks and waits. Of course 1 spent it, 1 didn’t touch it and 1 invested it returning $1000. Which one got the job?

The one with biggest tits!

20. A new Jewish brothel has opened near me.

- It’s called “The Gash Chamber”

21. What does the 'y' in womyn stand for?

Always be yappin'

22. What wild Princess Diana be doing if she was still alive today?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin.

23. Girlfriend was telling her boyfriend that she was molested as a little girl . He said “ Oh I didn’t knew you liked older men .

24. Clinton, Obama, Bush, Biden and Trump all went to play golf together.

After a great game, they went for some beers and food. When they were seated in the restaurant, Clinton ordered some BBQ ribs and told the waitress a BJ joke. Obama, who had ordered a tofu burger, got all outraged at Clinton for sexualizing the waitress. Bush ordered chicken-fried steak and kept his mouth shut. After Obama forced Clinton to apologize, the waitress turned to Trump and asked him what he wants to eat. "I'll have a YUUUGGEEE T-bone steak," says Trump. "T for Trump! Medium rare!" "OK," says the waitress. "And what about the vegetable?" Trump looks over at Biden and says "Ah, Just bring him some chicken tenders and an ice cream cone."

25. Baulderson’s cheese

Any dudes here who have less hair than their dad think that the name of that brand is phonetically offensive?

26. Jesus Christ was originally going to be called Gary…

..until Mary stubbed her toe one day..

27. Why doesn’t a rooster wear underwear?

Because his pecker is on his face.

28. What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Octopus?

I don’t know but it could pick some fuckin’ strawberries I’ll tell ya!

29. What's the similarity between pedophile and mathematicians?

Both use their fingers if it's under 10

30. What are the last words uttered before 99% of untimely redneck deaths?

“Hold mah beer and watch this!”

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