Gunnrhildr 7 year.agoThere's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign. But his snake lost its appetite, and soon stopped eating altogether; perhaps due to the stress of frequent travel and an irregular diet. Wishing to save his prized pet, Attila sought help from the local chirurgeons and witch doctors. None of them could do anything for him, until a wizened sage suggested feeding the serpent only young female virgins. Attila was pleased with this idea, and was delighted to find that a city he had raided just happened to have a Christian convent with a convenient supply of the recommended food for his pet. But the snake refused to eat, or even touch any of the consecrated virgins from the convent. Enraged, Attila sent for the soothsayer who advised him to have him executed. Standing before Attila, the old man calmly said, "Before thou killest me, may thee first bring the snake and one of the women to me." Curious, Attila did as he asked. Then the old man took some bread and gave it to Attila. "Now hold these in both hands," he instructed. Attila did so, and as soon as he did, the snake let out a terrifying hiss, and swallowed the virgin whole. To an amazed Attila, the old man simply said, "Thy anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, Hun."
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Babies eventually grow up and stop throwing tantrums every five minutes.
Three months without a school shooting.
A Suicide Squad
You know she’ll swallow.
...I hope.
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
All the good ones are taken, so when no one is looking you have to slip it in the disabled one.
The finish line of the Boston marathon
I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but it must be those orange jumpsuits.
So you can’t see the bruises
Check The Pulse
16504
As they're all laying out, Eve decides to run into the water. God sighs in disgust, saying, "Now I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."
U235(92)+n -> Ba142(56) + KR91(36) +3n +3.2^+11J You may not get that equation but the japs sure did in 1945....
just one. she stands there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Bath bomb
Neither, it would be animal abuse.
Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.
The white kid asks the other two, wanna play a game? The other two kids agree and the white kid leads them into the bathroom. He says "ok this is called the penis game, whoever has the biggest wins!" So he takes his dick out, and the Italian kid says "that's nothin!" And whips his out. His is bigger then the white kids. But then, the black kid whips out his hammer cock. His dick towers over the other kids dicks. After school the black kid goes home and eats dinner with his parents. His mom asks him how school went. He tells her he played the penis game with his friends. He said mom I had the biggest dick out of all the kids! Is that because I'm black? The mom says, no sweetie, it's because you're twenty-three years old.
A German man pulls up to a Polish border checkpoint. He gives his first and last name, his place of birth to the man at the border checkpoint. "Occupation?", he is asked. "No, just visiting"
it's the guys fault he shouldn't of been driving in the kitchen.
What's the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded.
ME : Dad, what are you doing? DAD : It's called jerking off, son. You'll be doing it soon, son. ME : Why? DAD : Because my arm is tired.
A crew member yells out "Men and woman on the life boats first." The teacher, all distraught, says "What about the children?" The lawyer replies "Fuck the kids." The priest says "Do you think we have time?"
If you are a donkey and I am a rooster and I break my two feet off in you what do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ass, 😂🤣
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job still sucks.
Because it has a mushroom head, a hotdog, two eggs and cream, which provides all the nutrients necessary to make a woman healthy.
The drinks waiter comes over and gives me a drink, Then the food waiter comes over and gives me food, Then the head waiter comes over…..😫
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