NeetStreet_2 7 year.agoAs a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass......... It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
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I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
Won’t be making them any longer. Bummer.
You marry her
*loophole*
What the world really needs is a windshield wiper that won't hold parking tickets.
They drop more bombs than Lockheed Martin.
Eventually she will have to run out of pepper spray
Old Grimes is dead, that good old man, We ne’er shall see him more, For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4.
“We used a team of bees to lure the criminals to the scene and catch them in the act. It was a honey pot sting operation.”
The game was between the rodents and the insects. In the first half, the rodents were doing well, but in the second half, the centipede really pulled the weight of the insect team and ended up winning the game for them. After the insects were done celebrating, the spider went up to the centipede and said, "you did great, but where were you during the first half of the game?" The centipede replies, "I was putting on all of my shoes!"
I saw a job advertised for the cleaning company dealing with a very large skyscraper, cleaning all the mirrors in the building. I thought, there's a job I can see myself doing.
It's a bolognaese
He's really TARIFFIED!
Beat it
He apparently did not.
They let out little prosti-toots
1-2 years, unless you explain that "change" means "replace" not "redesign".
Either way, I’m too hard to read.
When my whole family was panicking in the hopsital because Grandpa needed blood. He reassured us by screaming 'Be positive' until his last breathe.
That he often went barefooted, so the bottom of his feet were rock hard. He often went on hunger strikes so he was weak a lot of the time. He was very religious and in touch with his spiritual side. Due to him traveling around and a hunger strikes his hygiene quite often suffered. One could even say that he was... A super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis. (Say the last line out loud quickly)
In a wiki wiki
King Pong.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Rick O'Shea
>! Conjunction of the Spheres !<
... no canaries there either.
It's a huge missed steak.
Then we could call her Brie Brie.
I picked up a girl at the bar the other day. She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly. I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. "Oh shit, it's my boyfriend ! " she exclaimed "Quick, use the backdoor" . Now it's at about this time I probably should have left but you just don't get an offer like that every day.
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