Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

Didn't go well, I immediately had to ground him...

The store keeper asks, "why the long face?" The Horse replies, "I thought this was a bar"

A raw deal

One day, to my surprise, when I entered the classroom I saw that Mitch was sitting in the front row and had a pile of dollar bills with him. Intrigued, I asked him about the money and being up front and he said. “Well, in the last class you told us that today we were going to see the Möbius strip so I came prepared.”

Begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, she has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Tells the bartender … gimme a roast beef sandwich .. the bartender says .. I’m sorry we do t serve ducks here .. get the hell out .. next day the duck waddles up to the bar and says gimme a roast beef sandwich ! Bartender again says I told you we don’t serve ducks here and if you come in again I’m gonna nail your beak to the bar !! Sure enough next day the duck comes back and says “ you got any nails ? “ Bartender says no .. “Then gimme a roast beef sandwich ! “

Back to the grind.

He said: "Dad I have Kidneys. You have Dadneys"

After a very enjoyable first date, as the man was driving the woman home, he says, "When I walk you to your door, I'm going to kiss you thoroughly.- Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: With tongue. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: Then I'll come inside with you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: While still kissing you, I'm going to undress you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: I'll kiss and lick you all over after that until you orgasm. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: Then I'm going to make mad passionate love with you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: What's more, I won't even wear a condom. Woman: Oh yes, you will.

He left the lad with the desk sergeant along with some diapers, snacks, and instructions for an afternoon nap. When he got back from his shift his son was nowhere to be seen. He asked the sergeant where his boy was and was told he was in the jail because he wouldn't take his nap. "Why would you put a little boy in jail for that!?" he asked. The sergeant said, "Standard procedure: He was resisting a rest."

After a few hours of still water, Bob cracks open a beer. Timmy says: "Hey Dad, since Mom's not here, can I have one?" "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Bob retorts. "No," Timmy answers, confused. "Then you can't have one." After a little while, Bob grabs a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. Timmy says: "Dad, I promise Mom will never find out. Can I have one?" Again, Bob retorts "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Frustrated and confused, Timmy says "No." "Then you can't have one." A few more minutes pass, and Bob rips open a bag of chips. Timmy, thinking there's no way his dad would refuse his request for something as harmless as chips, says: "Can I have some chips at least?" To the boy's surprise, Bob again asks: "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Fed up, Timmy proudly proclaims "Yes! Yes it can!" "Then go fuck yourself, these are my chips!"

Nevermind, I'm sure it will come to me soon.

Btw, do you want to hear a joke about cognitive dissonance?

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir? Me: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.

I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Because with a manual gearbox they don’t need any other kind of anti theft device

There was Diana Ross

Is this stool taken

it left with a self esteem boost

>! They both have a Thor-axe !<

Boxing

"My brother's wife wants an overhanging balcony at the back of their house now.." "Cantilever?" "Nah, she's pretty hot..."

A dino-might.

"I’d pet him first."

Why don't time travelers tell jokes?

One robber turns to the other, holds up a bottle and says “is whiskey?” The other says “yeah but not a wisky as wobbing a bank!”

One day, a general was walking through a military base when he noticed a soldier casually eating and walking past him without saluting. Furious, the general ordered the soldier to stop and called him over. Here’s how their conversation went: **General**: Soldier, do you even know who I am? Do you know my rank? **Soldier**: Nope, not at all. **General**: Listen up, soldier. Right now, you’re a private—zero rank. The lowest in the military hierarchy. Basically, you’re nothing. **Soldier**: Okay. **General**: In the military, as you serve more years and prove yourself, your rank goes up. **Soldier**: Alright. **General**: For example, after this, you become a Private First Class. **Soldier**: Got it. **General**: Then you move up to Corporal, Sergeant, Warrant Officer, and so on. **Soldier**: And then? **General**: Eventually—though it’s almost impossible—you could become me, a General, the highest rank in the military. **Soldier**: And after that? **General** (Surprised): After that? There’s nothing after that. That’s it. **Soldier**: Well, I’m already that “nothing” right now.

A whored

So they know where to stop shaving.

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