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avatar perfectly_numb 6 year.agoTwo Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Why was the Gay man fired from the Sperm Bank?

He was caught drinking on the job!

2. Why do fat girls give better head?

Because they have to.

3. My condolences to the people in Las Vegas.

Nobody should ever be subjected to country music.

4. A couple goes to the hospital to have a baby...

Afterwards the doctor comes in and tells them, "I have good news and bad news." Concerned, they ask for the bad news first. He tells them that the baby is a ginger. The parents say, "Well I guess we can learn to live with a ginger baby. It might not be so bad. What's the good news?" "It's dead!"

5. Why did the redneck cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

6. I hope death is a woman

Then itll never come for me

7. Why do black people and white people smell different?

So blind people could hate them too

8. I love taking my blind daughter out for drives...

Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog...

9. What do you do after you rape a deaf, dumb and blind girl?

Break her fingers, so she can't tell anyone

10. Sir Roger Moore has died aged 89...

His family are said to be shaken but not stirred.

11. Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary Clinton?

Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth.

12. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

13. A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it?

The man's. Why was he driving in the kitchen?

14. Why do fat girls give good head?

Cause they have to.

15. Roy Moore may have lost the Alabama election but at least he gets to host a new game show...

Are You Tighter Than a Fifth Grader?

16. What's black and eats pussy? (Xpost from r/antijokes)

Cervical cancer

17. Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?

Because there are targets on every corner.

18. How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, if it is a man.

19. How can you tell if someone is a veteran?

Look for the cardboard sign.

20. My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.

21. Most of the german genocides...

Most of the german genocides can be swept under the carpet

22. [NSFW] Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period. Edit: This joke courtesy of the homeless guy outside the 7-11. I tipped him a beer.

23. How is the NBA like a box of crayons?

The whites are usually pretty useless

24. What's faster than a Jew running from a Nazi?

The Nazi

25. What's the difference between an 18 yr old girl and a washing machine?

When you dump a load in the washer, It will not follow you around for two months.

26. Why is Auschwitz the best hotel in the world?

It got a million stars.

27. What did the rapist say to their victim?

Go ahead, call the police, we'll see who comes first.

28. Did you hear about the black guy who was shot 15 times?

The police say it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen.

29. What is the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman?

One is on the cover of Playboy and one is on the cover of National Geographic.

30. I feel bad for muslims

I feel bad for muslims because they are all portrayed as being angry people I just think they just have a short fuse

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