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avatar Yankytyke 6 year.agoA distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?' ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

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1. What do you call a pizza restaurant named after Cameron Boyce?

Little Seizures

2. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Anyone that can run, jump, or swim is already in the US

3. How many dead babies fit in a box?

One per order

4. Two guys are out hunting

One of them collapsed and stopped breathing. The other one calls 911. Operator: How can I help you? Man: My friend just fell over dead in the woods! Operator: Calm down sir, I can help you. First make sure he's actually dead. (Silence, then a loud bang) Man: Okay..... Now what?

5. What do professional Smash Bros players and Priests have in common?

Not much, just some minor similarities

6. What do you call a hooker that sucks dick for cocaine?

A snow blower.

7. You know why Mexicans should play basketball?

Because they had to jump an entire wall to get here.

8. You're so unfuckable...

They could make you a square on the AIDS Quilt.

9. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The hooked can wash her crack and sell it again

10. Good morning class. Can anyone tell me how Kelly Preston died?

"I can, Sir...." WRONG! It was "Breast."

11. What's green, yellow and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea

12. I like my women how I like my coffee....

Grounded up and stored in a freezer

13. So, I heard John Travolta got rid of his beard this weekend.

14. What do u call a Muslim pilot?

A pilot u racist bitch.

15. I like my hookers how I like my potatoes.

Brought to my house in a sack, peeled and boiled, cut up and eaten.

16. John Travolta's wife, actress Kelly Preston died today.

They're such an inspiration for me to act like I care.

17. Why do women live longer than men?

Couse god gives them back time spent for parking their car.

18. Why is it called premenstrual syndrome (PMS)

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

19. I like my women like my coffee

Ground up and stored in the freezer

20. BLUE LIVES MURDER

21. What is similar between a black man and a dirt bike?

they both need a hit or two to get working

22. I went out to the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions. It made me cry...

Onions was a good dog

23. What did Usain bolt finish that Hitler couldn't

The race

24. Did you know Trump sought sexual services from abroad?

The broad's name? Melania

25. What do you call a Blackman driving a mail van

A delivery driver u racist cnt

26. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

27. In light of Wayfair gate

I guess they aren’t Wayfair to children

28. What do you call a spanish execution?

A Guillatino

29. China having the world's largest population

is proof that size doesn't matter

30. What was Jesus' after school job?

Walking people's fish.

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