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avatar RedheadCowboy 6 year.agoA cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What does a burned pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

An idiot who forgot to take it out on time.

2. I called the Child Abuse Hotline...

A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.

3. What's the difference between Batman and a black guy?

Batman could go to a store without Robin...

4. Do all black people have a problem with slavery?

Or just mine?

5. If Bruce Jenner wanted to know what life was like as a woman he could have just gone and got some beer

After five or six of 'em he wouldn't be able to drive for shit and nothing he said would make any damn sense.

6. A shower thought maybe? XD

If men were literally dickheads then headbanging would be a real thing

7. What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a superhero. The other is a command!

8. There are some things you can’t say with a straight face.

Like “I am having a stroke”

9. What's the best thing about a blowjob?

Ten fucking minutes of peace and quiet.

10. Black Lives Matter

11. Why's it so hard to solve a murder in Alabama?

There's no dental records and the DNA's all the same.

12. The FineBros should sue Chernobyl...

for reacting too much

13. Most black teenagers in this country are decent, law abiding citizens.

It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

14. Of course black people have rights.

It’s called the right to remain silent.

15. Why won't Jada Pinkett Smith and Spike Lee be at the Oscars this year?

Because they're shitty actors

16. Hitler may have killed 6 million Jews...

...but he sure as fucking hell saved the History channel.

17. What makes a girl go "mmmmmmmm"?

Duct tape.

18. It's no surprise that the Williams sisters always win at tennis...

Black people have centuries of experience serving. And appearing at the courts, for that matter. _____ xpost: r/sickipedia

19. A math teacher has sex with one of his students

How many times does 42 go into 15?

20. What's the best way to bring out your inner child?

A coat hanger

21. If I had a nickle for every time someone called me racist

Niggers would rob me

22. What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

23. My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant for dinner.

It was a nice meal and we were ordering dessert. I asked the waiter how much the pie was. "$3.14 sir." he replied. "That's funny." I chuckled. "What's that sir?" he asked. "That Down's syndrome boy just tried to hug that heater and burnt himself." We both had a good laugh.

24. After our daughter was diagnosed with cancer my wife decided to paint her entire room pink to cheer her up a little bit

It's going to make my new gym look really gay.

25. A presidential win by Bernie Sanders would truly be historic......

It would be the first time a Jewish family moved into public housing that was left vacant by a black family......

26. A woman is getting raped and says "think about my children!"

And the rapist thinks "Wow, this lady is kinky"

27. Someone asked me if I wash my dick after I recieve a blowjob.

I told them: "No, I just brush my kids teeth before I go in."

28. What's the capital of Greece?

About €10

29. Killing Black People Is Like Saying The N Word

They do it all the time but get really angry when white people join in.

30. The first time I had sex was like the first time riding a bike...

My dad was holding me from behind.

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