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avatar BrownIndianChief1903 6 year.agoKung Fu student asks his teacher

"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated. And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?" "Yes, my master, I have." "And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?" "Yes, my master, I have witnessed it." "And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?" "Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon." "That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Women are like parking spaces

Usually all the best ones are taken, so when no ones looking, stick it in the disabled one.

2. My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was....

Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.

3. After death, what organ in the female body stays warm?

My cock.

4. Just Back from Holidays in Thailand and I came so close to shagging a lady boy

Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, it was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car into the garage I thought, " Hang on a fucking minute"

5. What do you call a muslim with glasses?

See-Four

6. Two catholic priests

Get pulled over, the cop tells them " I'm sorry to bother you but we're looking for two child molesters" the priests look at each other, talk for a minute and say " ok we'll do it"

7. Why was the Gay man fired from the Sperm Bank?

He was caught drinking on the job!

8. Why do fat girls give better head?

Because they have to.

9. My condolences to the people in Las Vegas.

Nobody should ever be subjected to country music.

10. A couple goes to the hospital to have a baby...

Afterwards the doctor comes in and tells them, "I have good news and bad news." Concerned, they ask for the bad news first. He tells them that the baby is a ginger. The parents say, "Well I guess we can learn to live with a ginger baby. It might not be so bad. What's the good news?" "It's dead!"

11. Why did the redneck cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

12. I hope death is a woman

Then itll never come for me

13. Why do black people and white people smell different?

So blind people could hate them too

14. I love taking my blind daughter out for drives...

Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog...

15. What do you do after you rape a deaf, dumb and blind girl?

Break her fingers, so she can't tell anyone

16. Sir Roger Moore has died aged 89...

His family are said to be shaken but not stirred.

17. Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary Clinton?

Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth.

18. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

19. A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it?

The man's. Why was he driving in the kitchen?

20. Why do fat girls give good head?

Cause they have to.

21. Roy Moore may have lost the Alabama election but at least he gets to host a new game show...

Are You Tighter Than a Fifth Grader?

22. What's black and eats pussy? (Xpost from r/antijokes)

Cervical cancer

23. Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?

Because there are targets on every corner.

24. How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, if it is a man.

25. How can you tell if someone is a veteran?

Look for the cardboard sign.

26. My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.

27. Most of the german genocides...

Most of the german genocides can be swept under the carpet

28. [NSFW] Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period. Edit: This joke courtesy of the homeless guy outside the 7-11. I tipped him a beer.

29. How is the NBA like a box of crayons?

The whites are usually pretty useless

30. What's faster than a Jew running from a Nazi?

The Nazi

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