honolulu_oahu_mod 5 year.agoSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy! Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!" Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won. "I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here." "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!"
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Walking
I feel like a kid again
...But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Optimus Crime
He wasn't invited.
so that they would also have to know what it was like to live with an irritating cunt
The New-York Jets
She replied, "That's hilarious! Why on earth would we have chosen you!?"
They leave flowers on its grave
Common sense
Does that make Trump our 2nd black President?
So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.
"Neighbor" OP:u/paszdahl2 in r/ImGoingToHellForThis
A man had been locked up in prison for 10 years. He finally gets out and only has $10 to his name. He decides that he wants to go to a whorehouse with this money (because the men are separate from women in prison). He gets there and speaks to the lady up front and asks her if there is any whore he can get for $10. She tells him about one that only costs $5, so he gladly accepts, pays the money and heads to the woman's room. He gets in there and they exchange a few words before fucking. The man says out loud, "Man this is the worst sex I've had before in my life, it feels like sandpaper." She replies by telling him that she can fix this for an extra $5. He gives her the cash because he might as well and she heads to the bathroom for a few minutes before coming back out. They start going at it again and he says, "Man this is the best I've ever had, what'd you do in there?" To which she replies, "For an extra $5 I peel off all the scabs."
Because it's wong
Mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one.
It doesn't need cleaning yet.
A tourist.
I hate playing monopoly with my dad
She says, "No, I'll go deaf." He says, "Funny, I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up." [source](http://www.sickipedia.net/j/Sex%20and%20Shit/Wife/58304)
Racism has many faces.
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
/r/blackfathers
You can hide, but you can't run.
Two Pakistani Families are trying to immigrate to the USA. Trump says sorry, we only have room for one family, so what we're going to do is let both of your families live here for 1 year, and after that year, whoever is the most American can stay, the other has to go back. So a year goes by, and both families are waiting in the hallway of the government building awaiting their meetings. The one dad goes up to the other and says: "I think I have you beat friend, this morning I went to Dunkin' Donuts, I have a favorite baseball team, and I even enrolled my son in football! I don't think you can get more American than that." The other dad just looks at him and goes: "Fuck you paki."
"Here comes the airplane!"
Things didn't really go their way last time someone said "gotta catch 'em all"
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Ask your parents.
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