NoPainNoGrain 5 year.agoOne day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!" The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place." "That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!" So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it. But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response. The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says : "Sir, your question is so easy that I'm going to let my driver explain it to you."
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My dad didn’t beat cancer
I told her, being funny is the 2nd best way to get a girl into bed. She said "What's the best way?" I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"
I'll be home in 20 minutes!
Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded...
It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that. _______ xpost: r/sickipedia
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
A thot process
The other 98% still live in Africa.
Because they can't defend their towers.
But when she killed herself things started to look a lot more positive.
He got an altar boy to lick her cunt.
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
I saw a pretty girl. Finally I plucked up the courage, and asked for her number. She said "got a pen?" I said yes. She said "well get back in it you fat fucking pig".
It was having a mid life crisis
I did that and I feel much better, but I'm wondering, do I keep the letters?
They do it in schools, because they have class. *transcribed from a [deleted Jokes post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/45ekt9/white_people_dont_shoot_each_other_in_the_streets/?sort=new), because I can't find the original content*
Apparently going onto the "Kids vs cancer" page and saying "My money's on cancer every time" is frowned upon.
She just didn't have enough time to get out of the closet.
So I grabbed the crystal ball, chased the bitch down and beat her to death. I wonder what the fuck she saw in that thing.
I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
I don't hit vapes
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
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