Rancho_Chupacabraj 4 year.agoA woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" "Well," the woman says, "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favourite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old, it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. " The man can't believe it. "I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!" Naturally, they're both shocked. "If that isn't weird enough," says the woman, "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favourite author" Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain." They both can't believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven. "Ok," the woman says, "well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favourite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favourite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?" The man puts down his fruit and responds, *"It's a date."*
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I depends on how many ash trays the car has
Cancer jokes get old after awhile.
Every time somebody calls, "B-29," they seem to disappear.
They asked me what is most commonly found inside cells. Turns out black people wasn't the right answer.
The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Because he finally passed
I can finally use black people as currency again.
They’re all in my basement.
A few seconds later, a big load of fine ashes is poured down on Jacob and a deep voice from above roars, "Here you are, Jacob." Jacob looks down, then he looks up and shyly adds, "They also had gold teeth."
The boy's mother looked disgusted. "WHAT!? You go and tell your father right away!" The boy approached his father." Dad, I had sex with my school teacher today". His mother was shaking her head in disgust. The boy's dad frowned, then said "WELL DONE, SON! You're a man now." The boy's mother threw her arms up and stormed out. "To congratulate you, I'll take you to buy that bicycle you've wanted for a while, right now!" So the father and son buy the bike and leave the shop. As the pair walk, with the boy pushing the bike, the proud father asks "why aren't you riding your new bike, son?" The boy replies, "because my arse is still killing me, Dad".
A bit surprised, she asks, "Really? How do you know that? Are you psychic?" "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Chris "Fuck, I hit her a bit too hard this time".
... his mother told him not to play with guns. But it went in one ear and out the other. [Source] (http://www.sickipedia.net/j/Crime/Suicide/46218)
Black people would rob me.
She slept in our daughter's room.
That's just mean...
Flashbacks.
“Usually an overdose.”
Now you have to play in the NFL :(
A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asks the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, and then kill it," shouts the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then fuck it again," says the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again and then burn it," says the pyromaniac. Silence took over, and then the masochist says: "Meow."
I might be a retard, but at least I’m not fucking one.
So I created an account with the name Coathanger and poked it.
LGBBQ
As a jpeg. _______________ Please take a look at r/sickipedia if you found this joke sick enough.
But I keep seeing less and less of her.
Black people worked 60 years for their masters.
The Arab clearly impressed by this drinks down his beer quickly, tosses his glass in the air pulls out his AK-47 blows it to pieces and says, "Where I come from, we have so much sand to make glasses we don't have to drink from the same one twice either!" The Redneck, cool as a cucumber, chugs down his beer, tosses his glass in the air pulls out his .45 and shoots the Mexican and the Arab, catches the glass and asks for a refill and says, "In America, we have so many illegal aliens we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
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