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avatar 4 year.ago‌‌The b‌‌oss o‌‌f a‌‌ m‌‌ining c‌‌ompany i‌‌s t‌‌rying t‌‌o d‌‌ecide w‌‌hich o‌‌f h‌‌is 3‌‌ s‌‌ons t‌‌o p‌‌romote s‌‌o h‌‌e g‌‌ives t‌‌hem a‌‌ t‌‌est.

‌‌He s‌‌its t‌‌hem a‌‌ll d‌‌own a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem: "‌‌There i‌‌s b‌‌ound t‌‌o c‌‌ome a‌‌ t‌‌ime i‌‌n t‌‌his c‌‌ompany w‌‌hen y‌‌ou w‌‌ill h‌‌it a‌‌ s‌‌udden e‌‌conomic c‌‌risis. W‌‌hen t‌‌hese t‌‌imes c‌‌ome y‌‌ou m‌‌ust k‌‌now h‌‌ow t‌‌o c‌‌ut d‌‌own o‌‌n e‌‌xpenses a‌‌nd d‌‌o t‌‌he b‌‌est y‌‌ou c‌‌an w‌‌ith w‌‌hat b‌‌udget y‌‌ou h‌‌ave." Then h‌‌e p‌‌roceeds t‌‌o g‌‌ive t‌‌hem e‌‌ach 1‌‌000 d‌‌ollars, a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem t‌‌hat h‌‌e w‌‌ill c‌‌ome b‌‌ack t‌‌o t‌‌he m‌‌ine i‌‌n a‌‌ w‌‌eek, a‌‌nd s‌‌ee w‌‌hich o‌‌f t‌‌hem h‌‌ave b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove t‌‌he m‌‌ost o‌‌re w‌‌ith t‌‌he m‌‌oney t‌‌hey w‌‌ere g‌‌iven. He r‌‌eturns a‌‌fter o‌‌ne w‌‌eek t‌‌o c‌‌heck u‌‌p o‌‌n t‌‌hem, a‌‌nd a‌‌pproaches h‌‌is o‌‌ldest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch d‌‌igging h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", h‌‌e a‌‌sks. "3 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 3‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o b‌‌uy a‌‌ b‌‌roken d‌‌igger, I‌‌ t‌‌hen u‌‌sed m‌‌y b‌‌usiness c‌‌ontacts t‌‌o f‌‌ind a‌‌ m‌‌echanic w‌‌illing t‌‌o f‌‌ix i‌‌t f‌‌or j‌‌ust 2‌‌00 d‌‌ollars i‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave h‌‌is 5‌‌ k‌‌ids a‌‌ j‌‌ob. T‌‌he y‌‌outh i‌‌s s‌‌o d‌‌esperate f‌‌or a‌‌ j‌‌ob t‌‌his d‌‌ay, t‌‌hey w‌‌ill d‌‌o 1‌‌2 h‌‌our s‌‌hifts e‌‌ven f‌‌or a‌‌n i‌‌nternship, a‌‌nd I‌‌ o‌‌nly h‌‌ad t‌‌o p‌‌ay t‌‌hem 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars e‌‌ach f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌eek o‌‌f w‌‌ork" The f‌‌ather p‌‌ats h‌‌is s‌‌on p‌‌roudly o‌‌n t‌‌he s‌‌houlder b‌‌efore m‌‌oving o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is m‌‌iddle c‌‌hild, a‌‌sking h‌‌im h‌‌ow m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌e h‌‌ad b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o a‌‌s w‌‌ell. "10 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o r‌‌un a‌‌ l‌‌ocal a‌‌d i‌‌n t‌‌he n‌‌ewspaper a‌‌sking f‌‌or w‌‌orkers, t‌‌hen t‌‌ook i‌‌n 7‌‌5 u‌‌ndocumented i‌‌mmigrants w‌‌ho a‌‌ll b‌‌rought t‌‌heir o‌‌wn t‌‌ools a‌‌nd s‌‌hovels. T‌‌hey're a‌‌ll s‌‌o a‌‌fraid o‌‌f b‌‌eing t‌‌aken b‌‌y i‌‌mmigration t‌‌hat t‌‌hey're w‌‌illing t‌‌o w‌‌ork f‌‌or h‌‌alf m‌‌inimum w‌‌age." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks s‌‌keptically a‌‌t h‌‌is s‌‌on f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌hile, b‌‌ut n‌‌otices t‌‌he m‌‌assive p‌‌iles o‌‌f o‌‌re t‌‌he w‌‌orkers a‌‌re c‌‌arrying o‌‌ut, a‌‌nd g‌‌ives h‌‌im a‌‌ n‌‌od b‌‌efore c‌‌arrying o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is y‌‌oungest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", a‌‌sks t‌‌he f‌‌ather. "35 t‌‌ons, d‌‌ad, b‌‌ut I‌‌ d‌‌idn't u‌‌se a‌‌ny o‌‌f t‌‌he b‌‌udget." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks a‌‌t h‌‌im i‌‌n a‌‌we, h‌‌is j‌‌aw d‌‌ropping, "‌‌how w‌‌ere y‌‌ou a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove 3‌‌5 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re f‌‌or f‌‌ree!?" "I i‌‌nvited a‌‌ b‌‌unch o‌‌f c‌‌onspiracy t‌‌heorists. T‌‌hey j‌‌ust k‌‌eep d‌‌igging d‌‌eeper a‌‌nd d‌‌eeper t‌‌hinking t‌‌hey're g‌‌oing t‌‌o f‌‌ind s‌‌omething, a‌‌nd e‌‌very t‌‌ime I‌‌ t‌‌ell t‌‌hem t‌‌o t‌‌ake a‌‌ b‌‌reak t‌‌hey a‌‌ccuse m‌‌e o‌‌f t‌‌rying t‌‌o w‌‌ithhold t‌‌he t‌‌ruth f‌‌rom t‌‌hem!"

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What does a black kid and a tornado have in common?

It only takes one to ruin an entire neighborhood...

2. Whats the difference between a bullet and a jew?

The bullet actually comes out of the chamber

3. I tickled my little brother's foot yesterday and my mom went crazy and said

"Wait until he's born"

4. What's the difference between Paul Walker and a Computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

5. You know the razor blade works when there are no reviews on Amazon.

6. Whats the difference between a psychologist and my mum

I don’t have to pay my mum 100$/hour to call me retarded

7. Why can't black people get their PhD's?

Because they can't get past their masters

8. what's the difference between trans kids and emo kids?

trans kids actually kill themselves

9. The Europeans saw a bat and made Dracula.

The Americans saw a bat and made Batman. But those motherfucking Chinese made fucking soup.

10. What do you call a group of gay and autistic 13 year olds laughing at piles of shit?

/r/MeanJokes

11. A box of condoms, please. That’ll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it? Nah I’m OK. She’s actually quite pretty.

12. A Jewish woman asked me for my number today

I told her we used names now.

13. WARNING: dark jokes ahead

My girlfriend is into some really strange roleplay when we have sex. She always insists on pretending to be 14 years old. I don't get why, she'll be 14 in a couple of years anyway Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHYYYY!!??". Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead" A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it. Q: What's the best part about dead baby jokes? A: They never get old. Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? A: Michael Phelps can finish a race. /// Q: What's the difference between Jews and Santa Claus? A: Santa comes down the chimney Q: What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven Q: What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire? A: A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it. Q: What do black people and bikes have in common? A: They stop working when you take the chains off Q: What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? A: Fitting in. Yesterday, I failed my biology exam. The question was: Name something commonly found in cells. Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer Q: Why do Asians have squinty eyes? A: Because atomic bombs are really bright.

14. I'm offended by you people making jokes about school shootings. Seriously, my friend died in one, I remembered his last words...

"Goddamnit! The cops are here, I guess I'll have the last round for myself."

15. I got arrested for killing a black man

They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

16. Why do disabled kids always get bullied?

The can’t stand up for themselves

17. Fat chicks shouldn't brag about big tits.

Having big tits because you're fat is like having a car that's fast because it's falling off a cliff.

18. A black man and arabic man are in a car,who is driving?

the police

19. What did the tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches

20. What do you call a French homosexual

A fagguette

21. My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

22. I said hi to a feminist...

Wish me luck, my court case starts tomorrow

23. What do black people and tornadoes have in common?

It takes only 1 to ruin a good neighbourhood

24. How do you gain a million followers?

Walk through Africa with a cup of water

25. I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...

She looked surprised.

26. How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff??

They found her head and shoulders in the glove box

27. A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.

The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from." Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from." Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.

28. An Emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the Emo.

29. You’re a hero when you donate a liver

But you’re on a FBI watchlist if you donate 26

30. A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have...?

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?" His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black." ___ credit: r/sickipedia

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