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avatar kizersosea 4 year.agoMy late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength. News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas. John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip” The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”. Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?” With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.” “What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified” “I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls” (Today is the anniversary of my Grandfather’s passing, and I posted this because he has been on my mind since I woke up. I just saw the response that this has garnered and I am fuckin crying. Thank you all so much. You have made this day so much better)

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Why did the Spartan warriors hate the sunrise?

Because Dawn is tough on grease.

2. How do you

Get a Gay man to have sex with a women ? Shit in her cunt .

3. Why did Natalie Wood not want to use the bathroom on the ship?

She preferred to wash up onshore.

4. What was Hitler’s favorite board game?

Nahtzee

5. Do you know the true definition of an Innuendo?

It’s an Italian suppository.

6. I’ve been hearing a lot of Jewish jokes lately…

…Anne Frankly I’m not amused.

7. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She seemed surprised.

8. What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine

9. Anne frank had ADD

Her parents sent her to a concentration camp for help

10. How does Darth Vader prefer his toast?

On the dark side

11. Dark humor is like water, not everyone gets it

.

12. What do you call a woman who refuses to give head?

An Uber.

13. What did the murderer say in the kitchen?

"Knife to see you."

14. Three Jews walk into a bar

I lied it was a gas chamber

15. A woman goes to the doctor and says she’s worried about the the amount of discharge she’s having

No problem says the doctor take off your underpants and lie down. He puts a glove on and lubes his fingers and slides two inside her ‘How does that feel’ he says ‘Lovely’ replies the woman ‘but the discharge is coming out my ears’

16. What do you call a Pisces hoe?

A deep thot.

17. A co-worker just got into trouble for punching a woman of color at the hardware store…

…in his defense, he was sent there to get a Black and Decker.

18. A man walks into a library

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

19. What did the black duck say to the white duck?

"Waddup, Quacker!"

20. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

21. What’s the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?

With crucifixion they throw out the whole Jew.

22. God sat back on the 7th day and was approached by Gabriel who asked “Lord, should not Adam & Eve be to able to have offspring like all the other animals?

God said “You’re right. Give the dumb one a cunt.”

23. What’s the best way to kill 1000 flies?

Throw a frying pan in an Ethiopians face.

24. Princess Diana

I got a couple: What was the last thing to go through Diana's mind? The stereo. Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. What do princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? The wall was their last big hit.

25. Spousal abuse

Abusing of your wife is just so stupid. It's YOUR wife. That's like keying your own car.

26. What do Minors and Multiplication have in common

If they are under 12 just do them in your head

27. What did the black guy say to his cannibal parrot?

Polly want a Cracker

28. [ Removed by Reddit ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]

29. If Trump hates the gays, why did he get his ear pierced?

Too soon?

30. What does the Jewish pedophile say?

Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?

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funny jokes for you My late Grandfathers favorite joke