markp88 4 year.agoAm I adopted?Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" "No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing? Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" "It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred."
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You have to drop the bomb twice to get it across to her
But I'd feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant...
Babies eventually grow up and stop throwing tantrums every five minutes.
Three months without a school shooting.
A Suicide Squad
You know she’ll swallow.
...I hope.
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
All the good ones are taken, so when no one is looking you have to slip it in the disabled one.
The finish line of the Boston marathon
I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but it must be those orange jumpsuits.
So you can’t see the bruises
Check The Pulse
16504
As they're all laying out, Eve decides to run into the water. God sighs in disgust, saying, "Now I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."
U235(92)+n -> Ba142(56) + KR91(36) +3n +3.2^+11J You may not get that equation but the japs sure did in 1945....
just one. she stands there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Bath bomb
Neither, it would be animal abuse.
Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.
The white kid asks the other two, wanna play a game? The other two kids agree and the white kid leads them into the bathroom. He says "ok this is called the penis game, whoever has the biggest wins!" So he takes his dick out, and the Italian kid says "that's nothin!" And whips his out. His is bigger then the white kids. But then, the black kid whips out his hammer cock. His dick towers over the other kids dicks. After school the black kid goes home and eats dinner with his parents. His mom asks him how school went. He tells her he played the penis game with his friends. He said mom I had the biggest dick out of all the kids! Is that because I'm black? The mom says, no sweetie, it's because you're twenty-three years old.
A German man pulls up to a Polish border checkpoint. He gives his first and last name, his place of birth to the man at the border checkpoint. "Occupation?", he is asked. "No, just visiting"
it's the guys fault he shouldn't of been driving in the kitchen.
What's the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded.
ME : Dad, what are you doing? DAD : It's called jerking off, son. You'll be doing it soon, son. ME : Why? DAD : Because my arm is tired.
A crew member yells out "Men and woman on the life boats first." The teacher, all distraught, says "What about the children?" The lawyer replies "Fuck the kids." The priest says "Do you think we have time?"
If you are a donkey and I am a rooster and I break my two feet off in you what do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ass, 😂🤣
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job still sucks.
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