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avatar mbones2 4 year.agoA woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” "We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!” “United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Taste.” "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.” "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.” "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.” A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot.. And the Taste hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!” "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.” "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..” "Oh, really! What'd he say?” He said: "Who screwed up your hair?

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What do you call a female rapper?

38 Cent

2. How do you get a black person on their knees?

"Oh say can you see..."

3. What do you call a black women who has had 7 abortions?

A crime fighter. __ xpost - r/sickipedia

4. Why did the autistic child not go to the party?

He wasn't invited

5. Why do gay men use ribbed condoms?

Traction in the mud

6. What did the pedophile say after getting out of prison?

"I feel like a kid again!"

7. If girls go to college to get more knowledge and boys go to jupiter to get more stupider, where do transgenders go?

Hell

8. What do black people like to drive?

House prices down.

9. They say a woman's work is never done

that's probably why they get paid less

10. What do Nike and the KKK have in common?

They both make black guys run faster.

11. What's the difference between Santa and the Jews?

Santa goes down the chimney

12. Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game?

Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

13. School for Blacks

A black guy runs crying home to his mom saying “all the other kids in my class know their ABC’s, but I only got as far as H. Am I stupid?” No, his mom replied. “It's because you're black”. A couple of days later he runs crying home again. “All the other kids know how to count to 100, but I only got to 32. Am I stupid?” No, his mom replied again. “It's because you're black”. The next day he runs home with a big grin on his face saying, “me and the other boys measured our dicks and mine was the biggest. Is it because I'm black?” No, said his mom. “It's because all the kids are 6 years old and you're 29”.

14. Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 6.

It's simple meth.

15. Failed my biology test today. They asked, “What do you find inside cells?”

Apparently “black people” wasn’t the correct answer.

16. Did you know that most 9/11 victims were black?

Especially when they didn't jump.

17. Where do Muslims go when they die?

All over the place.

18. Why are black peoples' eyes red after having sex?

Pepper-spray

19. Why are there no muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future.

20. A feather and a nigger fall from a tree, which lands first?

The feather... The nigger was stopped by the rope

21. Whats the most positive thing in a black neighborhood

HIV

22. My daghter asked me to kick her out of the house, take her phone, her car off her and never speak to her again.

Well not in those words it was more like "Dad this is my new boyfriend Muhammed"

23. Uncles are like Mexican food

The bad ones make your asshole hurt

24. What's better than winning the Paralympics?

Walking

25. What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again

26. "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.......

...But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

27. What do you call a black transformer?

Optimus Crime

28. Why didn't the autistic child go to the birthday party?

He wasn't invited.

29. why did god give women cramps

so that they would also have to know what it was like to live with an irritating cunt

30. What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team?

The New-York Jets

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