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avatar hayeshilton 4 year.agoA man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him. “What would you like for your last meal?” “I would like a banana please.” The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, such an act of divine intervention means you get released. A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After a while, the same executioner from last time approaches him. “You again? Dang! What do you want this time?” “Two bananas please.” The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There’s no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time. Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacerbated, the executioner approaches him for the third time. “Let me guess. Three bananas?” “Actually yes! How did you know?” “Too bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry.” So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. “I don’t get it,” says the executioner. “I didn’t let you eat any bananas!” “It’s not the bananas.” Sighed the prisoner. “I’m a very bad conductor.”

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1. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

2. What’s the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?

With crucifixion they throw out the whole Jew.

3. God sat back on the 7th day and was approached by Gabriel who asked “Lord, should not Adam & Eve be to able to have offspring like all the other animals?

God said “You’re right. Give the dumb one a cunt.”

4. What’s the best way to kill 1000 flies?

Throw a frying pan in an Ethiopians face.

5. Princess Diana

I got a couple: What was the last thing to go through Diana's mind? The stereo. Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. What do princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? The wall was their last big hit.

6. Spousal abuse

Abusing of your wife is just so stupid. It's YOUR wife. That's like keying your own car.

7. What do Minors and Multiplication have in common

If they are under 12 just do them in your head

8. What did the black guy say to his cannibal parrot?

Polly want a Cracker

9. [ Removed by Reddit ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]

10. If Trump hates the gays, why did he get his ear pierced?

Too soon?

11. What does the Jewish pedophile say?

Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?

12. Fetus deletus or??

For reference this is a joke from a friend, but what would you call a baby being thrown or yeeted. My friend said it’s still fetus deletus???

13. What’s the difference between Trump and Duterte?

Duterte only talks about raping women.

14. I designed a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a home page.

15. FANNUMS DAILY BASIS

FANNUM IS A FATASS

16. what do you call a dog with no arms or legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, he isn't coming!

17. How do you know your AI girlfriend is sentient?

She rejects you.

18. [ Removed by Reddit ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]

19. What do you call a lesbian on fire?

An LGBBQ.

20. What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

21. Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

22. What’s the difference between a dick and a joke?

Tom Cruise can’t take a joke

23. What's the best part of getting a BJ from an Ethiopian?

You know she's going to swallow

24. How to make a woman scream after you already cum?

Wipe your dick clean on the curtains.

25. Half your age minus 7

The Drake Equation

26. Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's cube?

Because they got a history of separating the colors

27. A Jewish guy and a black guy are standing at the edge of a cliff, who do you push first?

The jew. It's always business before pleasure

28. How can a woman stop rape

by saying yes

29. If you were a rape baby... Would you be mad at your dad or be glad he put in the extra effort?

30. Did you hear about the racist Mexican guy?

He joined the Que Que Que

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