Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

sqrt(-1) sin/cos

Autumn because of the leavesdropping.

a man is anxiously awaiting the birth of his son . soon the nurse comes and says your child is born but he has a defect , I'll let you see for yourself. the bring the baby and the baby is just one giant ear with arms and legs . the guy , horrified, looks at the ear and says "no matter , I will love you and raise you." to that , the nurse says "you need to speak up, he's deaf."

Blue - the urologist says it makes my eyes look pretty.

Men watch The Masters and women watch The Bachelor.

It was a bass-less accusation.

Once, back in medieval Great Britain, there lived a Jew who did a great favor for the King. What kind of favor? Doesn't matter, really. What matters is that the King was incredibly grateful. So one day, the Jew woke up to a knock at his front door. When he answered the door, the King's Chief of Staff was there. "Good morning!" the CoS said. "To show his gratitude for the favor you did for him, the King has chosen to make you one of his knights. Congratulations!" "Uh, thanks." said the Jew, still groggy from having just woken up. "What do I have to do?" "Just come to the palace at the first of next month. That's when we do all our knighting ceremonies. Just be there by 9:00 a.m. sharp. See you then!" On the first of the next month, the Jew goes to the palace, making sure to arrive by 9:00 a.m. sharp, and is escorted to a room with a bunch of other knights-to-be. The Chief of Staff comes in, and closes the door behind him. "Good, now that we're all here, we can get started. Let me explain to you how the ceremony is going to work. One at a time, you'll be led in front of the King's throne. Kneel and recite a long Latin sentence, which I will teach you. Then the King will tap you on each shoulder with the flat of his sword. When you stand up again, you'll be a knight. Any questions?" There were none. "Good. Now let me teach you that Latin phrase. Repeat after me." The Chief of Staff then recites a long Latin phrase, which the men dutifully repeat. He then says the phrase again, and has the men repeat it again. He does this over and over until he is sure they all have it memorized. Then he leads them to the throne room. The wannabe knights are lined up, and purely by coincidence the Jew is last in line. One by one, the men are led in front of the throne, kneel, recite the Latin phrase, are dubbed, then rise and exit the throne room. After every man is knighted, it's finally the Jew's turn. As he walks up to the throne, he realizes that in all the excitement, the Latin phrase has slipped right out of his brain. He can't remember a word of it. He kneels and thinks as hard as he can, trying to remember. The King is looking at him expectantly. Finally, the Jew panics and says the first sentence in a foreign language that comes to mind. "*Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot?*" Puzzled, the King turns to look at his Chief of Staff. "Why is this knight different from all other knights?" Spoiler for the *goyim*: >!*Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot?* Is Hebrew for "Why is this night different from all other nights?" and is the preamble to the Four Questions we traditionally ask and answer at Passover, which is now.!<

Didn't go well, I immediately had to ground him...

The store keeper asks, "why the long face?" The Horse replies, "I thought this was a bar"

A raw deal

One day, to my surprise, when I entered the classroom I saw that Mitch was sitting in the front row and had a pile of dollar bills with him. Intrigued, I asked him about the money and being up front and he said. “Well, in the last class you told us that today we were going to see the Möbius strip so I came prepared.”

Begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, she has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Tells the bartender … gimme a roast beef sandwich .. the bartender says .. I’m sorry we do t serve ducks here .. get the hell out .. next day the duck waddles up to the bar and says gimme a roast beef sandwich ! Bartender again says I told you we don’t serve ducks here and if you come in again I’m gonna nail your beak to the bar !! Sure enough next day the duck comes back and says “ you got any nails ? “ Bartender says no .. “Then gimme a roast beef sandwich ! “

Back to the grind.

He said: "Dad I have Kidneys. You have Dadneys"

After a very enjoyable first date, as the man was driving the woman home, he says, "When I walk you to your door, I'm going to kiss you thoroughly.- Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: With tongue. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: Then I'll come inside with you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: While still kissing you, I'm going to undress you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: I'll kiss and lick you all over after that until you orgasm. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: Then I'm going to make mad passionate love with you. Woman: Oh no, you won't. Man: What's more, I won't even wear a condom. Woman: Oh yes, you will.

He left the lad with the desk sergeant along with some diapers, snacks, and instructions for an afternoon nap. When he got back from his shift his son was nowhere to be seen. He asked the sergeant where his boy was and was told he was in the jail because he wouldn't take his nap. "Why would you put a little boy in jail for that!?" he asked. The sergeant said, "Standard procedure: He was resisting a rest."

After a few hours of still water, Bob cracks open a beer. Timmy says: "Hey Dad, since Mom's not here, can I have one?" "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Bob retorts. "No," Timmy answers, confused. "Then you can't have one." After a little while, Bob grabs a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. Timmy says: "Dad, I promise Mom will never find out. Can I have one?" Again, Bob retorts "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Frustrated and confused, Timmy says "No." "Then you can't have one." A few more minutes pass, and Bob rips open a bag of chips. Timmy, thinking there's no way his dad would refuse his request for something as harmless as chips, says: "Can I have some chips at least?" To the boy's surprise, Bob again asks: "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Fed up, Timmy proudly proclaims "Yes! Yes it can!" "Then go fuck yourself, these are my chips!"

Nevermind, I'm sure it will come to me soon.

Btw, do you want to hear a joke about cognitive dissonance?

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir? Me: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.

I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Because with a manual gearbox they don’t need any other kind of anti theft device

There was Diana Ross

Is this stool taken

it left with a self esteem boost

>! They both have a Thor-axe !<

Boxing

"My brother's wife wants an overhanging balcony at the back of their house now.." "Cantilever?" "Nah, she's pretty hot..."

A dino-might.