4 year.agoA girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’ ‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ The following day, the girl says to her mother. ‘Mum, today we measured our chests in class and mine is the largest! Is that because I’m blonde?’ ‘No darling, that’s because you’re 18.’
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A ransom note...
The Indian cashier can provide actual change.
Zero School shootings so far this year!
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
I was bloody and sore at the end. But at least my dad came.
I'd have $2 and a pile of counterfeits.
The reasons the parents are crying.
With a small loan of $1 million from his father
Carlos take the stereo and I'll take lookout
The hardest part is always having to act surprised.
God created Hitler.
I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge...
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
It can be done with a credit card fairly easily, but I prefer to use a knife
And I thought, "That seems like a reasonable compromise."
The ungrateful bitch spat it out...
He lost wifi connection
With a virus.
My dad didn’t beat cancer
I told her, being funny is the 2nd best way to get a girl into bed. She said "What's the best way?" I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"
I'll be home in 20 minutes!
Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded...
It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that. _______ xpost: r/sickipedia
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
A thot process
The other 98% still live in Africa.
Because they can't defend their towers.
But when she killed herself things started to look a lot more positive.
He got an altar boy to lick her cunt.
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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