MaestroSG 9 hr.agoBob and his son, Timmy, are on a fishing trip.After a few hours of still water, Bob cracks open a beer. Timmy says: "Hey Dad, since Mom's not here, can I have one?" "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Bob retorts. "No," Timmy answers, confused. "Then you can't have one." After a little while, Bob grabs a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. Timmy says: "Dad, I promise Mom will never find out. Can I have one?" Again, Bob retorts "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Frustrated and confused, Timmy says "No." "Then you can't have one." A few more minutes pass, and Bob rips open a bag of chips. Timmy, thinking there's no way his dad would refuse his request for something as harmless as chips, says: "Can I have some chips at least?" To the boy's surprise, Bob again asks: "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Fed up, Timmy proudly proclaims "Yes! Yes it can!" "Then go fuck yourself, these are my chips!"
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Apparently going onto the "Kids vs cancer" page and saying "My money's on cancer every time" is frowned upon.
She just didn't have enough time to get out of the closet.
So I grabbed the crystal ball, chased the bitch down and beat her to death. I wonder what the fuck she saw in that thing.
I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
I don't hit vapes
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
...she'd be spinning in her ditch.
After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more American by saying: "Every day I have taken my son to softball practice and my daughter to ballet. I just purchased my first car and it is a Chevy El Camino. I've recently started listening to Toby Keith and Lynard Skynard and my favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. Beat that!" The other Syrian simply replies with: "Get out of my country, you fucking towelhead."
By putting flowers on the grave
It's easy when I have a knife.
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Concentration problems
turns out Hollywood wants to be in me as a kid too
When I get older I'm going to name my son stupid, so when people ask me "Are you fucking stupid?" I can say "yes."
Wrecking a 19 year old pussy.
Little Seizures
two nukes weren't enough Edit: got banned from r/history for using this joke over there Edit 2: thanks for the support guys, they can grow three arms but they cant take a joke?
You can put a silencer on a gun.
Shooting started today at around 4PM on Westminster Bridge
I mean look at what happened when 3 million Jews got baked
An eternity in heaven.
The gap between a down syndrome kids eyes
The only thing left were the work boots.
Maybe you should lighten up a little.
A stewardess comes around offering drinks. She first approaches the Christian and asks if he'd like a drink. The christian replies, "if our lord and savior Jesus Christ wasn't shy to a glass of red, nor will I be!" So she pours him a small plastic cup of red wine. She proceeds to ask the Jew if he would like a beverage. The Jew replies "I wouldn't 'passover' the offer, I've got nowhere to be!" Finally she arrives at the Muslim and offers the same to which the Muslim replies, "sorry no thank you, I'm going to be piloting a plane soon and I really should be sober."
As soon as he leaves the room
more jokes Here waiting for you
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