OZFox42 13 day.agoGuilty pleasure...A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he gave his wife a magic dildo before he left. The reason it was called a magic dildo was because no matter where the wife was all she would have to do is say, "magic dildo" and then the place she wanted the magic dildo to be and it would appear there. A week after her husband left, she decided to give the magic dildo a try. She left it in the garage and then went up into her bed and said, "magic dildo, vagina." Instantly it appeared where it was called and satisfied her. She was very excited about her magic dildo and started to use it every where. She called to it at work when no one was looking, in the wooded part of the park, at the movie theatre, when she was dancing, everywhere. No matter where she was it would appear and make her squirm with pleasure. One day on her way to work she hit bad traffic. She looked up ahead and saw there was an accident and realized it would be a while and decided to call the magic dildo. She was feeling really confident and called out "magic dildo, vagina." She became overwhelmed and hit the accelerator slamming into the car in front of her. As it turned out the driver of that car was a cop. The cop came up to the car seeing the woman squirming and suspected she was on drugs. "Get out of the car now and put your hands on the hood!" She tried to comply but ended up just falling to the pavement. The officer was quite alright and asked the woman what she was on. She told him "Officer I'm not on any drugs, my husband gave me a magic dildo and it's causing me to lose control!" The officer, not buying it, simply replied, "Magic dildo, my ass."
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My name, my address, my phone number...
Dylann Roof is now being questioned by Police after shooting 9 black people dead in one day. Charleston police chief Gregory Mullen said, "He went a little overboard with this unique style of job application, but we'd still like to take him on."
The mediterranean sea.
His Best
A white guy goes into a plastic surgeon and says, "I want to be a black man." The doctor replies, "Alright, but in order to turn you into a black man, I'm going to have to darken your skin by 70%, reduce your brain mass by 30%, and add 4 inches to your penis." The white guy eagerly agrees to this and goes in for the operation. After the operation, the doctor says to the formerly white guy, "I'm so sorry... there was a mix up in your surgery notes. I ended up darkening your skin by only 30%, reducing your brain mass by 70%, and deducting 4 inches off your penis. Is there any way that you could ever forgive me?" The former white guy replies, "Gracias Senor."
Acne waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face
Your mom can't take an offensive joke.
Because there are targets on every corner.
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
None. They can’t change anything.
Because he couldn't keep his Lilly alive.
Along with 500 passengers and an entire jet
the ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
...has never seen footage from 9/11.
You can’t pull her hair while you’re raping her
[removed]
According to his parents, he accidentally used the guest shower
Ignored, the attention seeking twat.
His foster family have obviously raised him to be a little prick...
I went to pick her up, and she fell for me instantly. It was a rough start, but after that - we were on a roll.
I remembered something my dad used to say to my mom, so I walked over to her and said, "Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."
I texted back, "Ok, see you when you get here!"
They found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
He only cums once a year
And then Wham!
Probably heroin
I'm beginning to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
Too close to the gas chamber
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