OZFox42 3 day.agoA man was out for a walk on a rainy day, when he passed by a tent.Inside, was an unattractive, overweight woman, sitting on her sleeping bag, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. The man, concerned he was soaking wet and likely to catch a cold, peeked into the open tent-flap. "Excuse me ma'am, it's raining out here, mind if I come in to get out of the rain for a little while?" "Sure," the woman replied, "On one condition. No funny business." The man agreed and entered the tent. He sat down on the sleeping bag next to her. A few minutes later, the woman let out a loud fart. "1:0," she said. Five minutes went by, she ripped off another one, "2:0." The man was curious. "Ma'am, why are you farting then giving out the score?" The woman responded, "I'm a bit bored, there's not much to do, so I thought I'd start a farting competition." "Sounds like you're winning," said the man. He decided to beat her at her own game, and let out a massively loud fart which shook the tent. "2:1," he said, ripping off another one, "2:2." She looked at him, somewhat impressed, "You're fucking good at this!" Determined to win, she ripped off another fart, only this time she ended up shitting the sleeping bag. She blew a whistle, and said, "Half-time, change sides."
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At least he took 300 infidels with him too.
So every once in a while, when no one"s looking...you just have to stick it in a handicap one.
2 tight ends and a wide receiver
Most of them are gold diggers
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell it to jump
Horses
"Dad!!" my daughter screamed. "Mike is lovely!" "I know." I replied. "I was talking to him."
Spray and pray.
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
Nothing, don't give a shit if either get fired.
I asked, "Excuse me, do you have a pen?" She replied, "Yes, why?" I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you've escaped."
Over 200 years, yoghurt develops a culture
Now it doesn't work. Then I painted white, hoping it would work hard. Now the whole system is corrupt. Then I painted it yellow, hoping it would fix itself. Now the drivers have crashed.
Now she's got two dead dogs.
It's weird because they usually pick cotton.
whipped cream
Nicaragua
Hand him a used tampon and ask what period it came from
Just ask Gianna Bryant.
...The secretary says, "We don't allow blacks at this club." However there's a club 10 minutes down the road that take blacks. "Furious, Bolt replies "do you know who I am? I'm Usain fucking Bolt!" "Oh, sorry, " replies the Secretary. "In that case, it's 5 minutes down the road! " ___ xpost - r/sickipedia
Paul Walker made it to at least 90 before he died.
If god is black and we are supposedly all his children then makes it sense that we never see him.
The execution.
Crime stoppers.
A white woman watching it on tv
Jk it's just clones of turtles.
Under the sea!
so that when people say "are you fucking retarded" I can say yes
A Sandy Hook survivor.
more jokes Here waiting for you
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