Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

Every time someone offers you food you fat Cunt...

Their criminal record.

Women

And he did something really romantic and proposed to her on the spot to make her feel better. So you see that ladies, us men can be romantic and spontaneous, it's that we just don't like long term commitments.

A man walks into a bar and begins to order a beer, "O-O-One b-beer p-please." The bartender responds, "Hey man, I used to have the same stuttering problem. Then I went home, asked my wife to give me some head, and the next day I was cured." After hearing this the man rushed off before even getting his beer. The next day, the man returns and again orders a beer, "O-One b-b-b-beer p-please". The bartender asks, "didn't work huh?". The man replies, "No, b-b-b-but you have a l-l-lovely house!"

Call the cops

That priest is in jail now. __________

If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

...and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room. "Daddy," she says, "a strange man did something bad to me at the park today." The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter. "Oh, god... okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn't your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?" "Well," the girl begins, "I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree." "Oh, god," mutters the father. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing." "Oh, god!" the father exclaims. "What happened next?" "Then," the girl continues, "he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear." "Oh, god!" shouts the father. "Sweetie, what happened after that?" The girl answers with a shrug. "Nothing. That was it." "Well, make something up! I haven't finished yet!"

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

If they are black, you've got nothing to eat.

I woke up this morning and saw my wife sitting on the edge of the bed with two black eyes. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked. "This is what happens when you drink 9 pints of lager," she replied. "That's bullshit," I said, looking in the mirror, "I drank 9 pints of lager last night and my face is fine."

A little girl goes into the shower with her mom. She looks up at her mothers' breasts and says "Mommy, when will I get those?" Her mother says "when you're older". A few days later she goes into the shower with her dad. She looks up at his penis and says "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" Her father says "when your mother leaves for work".

By the way, verb not adjective

I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.

I'll begin: "ARE YOU READY, KIDS?"

Apparently, the politically correct term is "conjoined twins"...

A: Gagged

The trick is to always act surprised. Source: Frankie Boyle

Smile. I’ll count them.

...I said, "your wife wears a burqa, your 3 daughters all wear burqas, doesn't it get a bit confusing around the house?" He said "yes of course, last week I went upstairs in the night and accidentally had sex with my wife!" __________ Subscribe to r/sickipedia if you liked this joke

I'd have $1.74

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.

This kid asks his mother "am I more Jewish or black?" His mother replies "You shouldn't think of these things like that... Why do you care?" Kid tells his mother "Well, Billy Marcus down the street is selling his bicycle for $40. I wanted to decide whether to Jew him down to $20, or just steal it tonight."

He knows where all the naughty girls live

Because her mother always told her to enjoy the little things in life.

Blame the Russians

"All of mine sucked"