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avatar parshuram__ 6 year.agoA young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?" "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come." The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet." "Don't bother, I got expelled." Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?" "Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher." "The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I went out to a restaurant last night and I ordered the chef's special.

He sent out his spastic son to dribble into my soup.

2. Dieting is really easy

As long as you're poor

3. What’s a cancer patients favourite coffee?

Cappuchemo

4. How does a Slovene escort get the "Einstein" visa to the USA?

Misspell "Epstein."

5. How do you call a zoophile after lighting him/her up?

Furry in a hurry.

6. Wives are like grenades.

Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

7. Why do riot police get up early?

So they can beat the crowds

8. Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn’t see anything wrong with it.

9. Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.

10. A Mexican, a black and a Jew walk into an Irish bar

The bartender says, "Get the fuck out!"

11. In a recent interview David Gilmour was asked if he ever understood why the album 'Ummagumma' was so popular with the disabled community, especially the downs syndrome and spastic teenagers at the time.

"I think it's because they could actually ask for it themselves," he answered.

12. Why is everybody in this subreddit downvoting the "Nice" replies?

I mean what part of MEANjokes don't you get?

13. what do you call a black person in space?

a space chimp.

14. What’s the difference between a woman and a phone?

You can’t use a phone when it’s dead

15. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and I light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb

16. When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it's not romantic.

Maybe they just want each other to shut up.

17. Why did the Jew cross the road

Because their was a gust of wind

18. Why was hitler so good at killing Jews

He threw money in the chamber’s

19. How do you stop a black guy from drowning?

Take your knee off the back of his neck

20. What do Asians call their pet?.

Snacky

21. Playing Kobe on NBA 2k

Hopefully it doesn’t crash on me

22. I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

23. Someone made a post offending handicapped people, but I didn’t reply.

The comments were disabled.

24. What's the difference between men and horses?

Horses give you a better ride.

25. What do you call 2 black people in a blanket?

Twix

26. I played Watch Dogs 2

One day I didn’t have a lot to do so I wanted to play Watch Dogs 2. (first you have to understand that the main character is black) After a while playing, I was getting busted by the police and then I got killed after a while of running Then I said in my mind: Holy shit, just like in our actual times.

27. Gay people are actually good,

Not only do they leave more girls for us, they take another dude with them, and the girls give us lesbian porn.

28. What do you call two black guys dead on the street?

Skidmarks

29. How do you blindfold a Chinese person?

Put floss over their eyes.

30. What's one question you can never ask someone named happy?

"are you sad?"

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