Gil-Gandel 6 year.agoA little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at the weekend a strange lady came around""Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home." So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?" And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear." "Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole." "Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?" "I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her." "Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?" "Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently.
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I mean look at what happened when 3 million Jews got baked
An eternity in heaven.
The gap between a down syndrome kids eyes
The only thing left were the work boots.
Maybe you should lighten up a little.
A stewardess comes around offering drinks. She first approaches the Christian and asks if he'd like a drink. The christian replies, "if our lord and savior Jesus Christ wasn't shy to a glass of red, nor will I be!" So she pours him a small plastic cup of red wine. She proceeds to ask the Jew if he would like a beverage. The Jew replies "I wouldn't 'passover' the offer, I've got nowhere to be!" Finally she arrives at the Muslim and offers the same to which the Muslim replies, "sorry no thank you, I'm going to be piloting a plane soon and I really should be sober."
As soon as he leaves the room
Police Chief: "These are fantastic qualifications! You're a star recruit but we have one last test" Recruit: "What's that?" Police Chief: "Take this revolver, go outside, shoot one black guy and a rabbit." Recruit: "Why a rabbit?" Police Chief: "Great attitude, you've got the job."
You rape'em we scrape'em. No Fetus can beat us. Edit 1: As of November 3rd 2016 someone awesome have me reddit gold. Thank you kind stranger.
Gatorade *Edit, thanks for the gold kind stranger :)
For the life of me, I couldn’t think of what I had done wrong. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t sharing my popcorn...
I think she realized she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply. She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...
I don’t know but it must be more than 10 cuz my basements still pitch black
i don't know. i just fly the drones
When I asked her if she would like to act out my favorite rape fantasy, she said "No".
Reload
Freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it
The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. “We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers. “Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed. The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?” Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.” The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .” “Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armour.
stands for food
Depends on the gun you use
The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right. xpost - r/sickipedia
I guess they're aimed at a younger audience. Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Because they spend their entire life working for their Masters
In order to survive they both have to be quiet.
Now, it's X_XTentacion.
Take the toll road.
I nearly came on the spot.
A six year old girl was brushing her teeth when her mother got out of the shower. Shocked, the girl pointed to her mother's chest and said "What are those?" "Well, you'll get them in a few years, honey" her mother replies. a few days pass and the girl is brushing her teeth again, when her father gets out of the shower. Once again shocked, the little girl asked "When do I get to have one of those!?" With a slight smile the father replies "As soon as your mother leaves."
Steve
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