ols47 6 year.agoA husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc. “There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does”. That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to test her hearing”. He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks; “What’s for dinner honey?” No answer. He moves closer. “What’s for dinner honey?” Still no answer. He moves even closer. “What’s for dinner honey?” Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is stood right next to his wife. “What’s for dinner honey?” “FOR THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN”
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Nobel Prize
One year several of them died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed lest the Republic fall. Once the plague was over riders were sent to the four directions of the wind plus two to find replacements who had been born at the same moment the previous vestal virgins had died. When the riders returned they found they’d had brought back one too many. The recruits drew straws and the one with the short straw was free to go her way. But now here she was hundreds of miles—sorry, thousands of stadia—from home, with nothing to do. Being an enterprising young thing she started an olive oil company and grew it into the largest woman-owned business in the whole Republic. She sold only first-pressed, cold-pressed oil. People loved it and she named her company “Extra Virgin Olive Oil."
It was a tie
Peanut butter and jellyfish…
A grossery.
They’re just playing maple leaf.
I was struggling to make hens meet.
To check their form when they do a face-lift.
The place where you stick the cucumber
Purrgundy. I'm so sorry... I'll leave and never return...
Beef, chicken, and vegetable. Someday soon I hope to be a bouillonaire.
I was incensed.
Bartender says, "Hi, Mom." (Woke up in the middle of the night with this in my head for no discernable reason.)
Joseph replied "He said he was only using it for the weekend."
The streets were strangely desserted.
In case there's a salad dressing
I guess I drink whey too much
But it would probably be cheesy
Just add the NSFW tag.
An olive oil change..
HEXagon
But I'm getting a head of myself
chihuahuas
...and not "ice-olation"?
They are checking their pee-mail. My dad’s original dad joke. RIP Papa.
They did unspeakable things to me
The strength of the grip
They appreciated the extra cash.
I was repairing a gate under the watchful eyes of our two Great Pyrenees and she said, “you realize you’re undergoing a Pyr review.”
It was poultry in motion...
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