exmoor456 5 year.agoBloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says........"You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband." The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off." She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!" Again, the bloke apologizes and swears never ever to do it again. "One more chance," says the barmaid, "Now - what do you want? "I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup." The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly. "What's up love?" he asks. "There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says. "I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the Husband. "Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off" she screams. "Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a bat. "Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all" she cries! The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches the telly back on. "Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically. "Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of Guinness..."
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Freedom
When the sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up
Both are never going to smash...
the woman
On fire
They stopped after I opened fire though.
So that I could say I come into work everyday.
I don’t usually do that kind of thing, but luckily, I’d just found $5,000 in the parking lot...
A Fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out
Crime rate
a threesome
About the Walmart that got turned into a Target?
If the ***men*** are this bad at driving, I see why they don't let their women drive.
Their last names
They both tell children to open wide.
They’re both just fucking assholes
It only takes one to ruin an entire neighborhood...
The bullet actually comes out of the chamber
"Wait until he's born"
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
I don’t have to pay my mum 100$/hour to call me retarded
Because they can't get past their masters
trans kids actually kill themselves
The Americans saw a bat and made Batman. But those motherfucking Chinese made fucking soup.
/r/MeanJokes
I told her we used names now.
more jokes Here waiting for you
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