CharlemagnePapi 4 year.agoThe first female presidentThe year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again." "Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear? Sarah replies, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York." "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way Mom, I really want you to come." So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2029, Sarah Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?" The senator whispers back, "Yes, I do." Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor." Edit: Dates (the attention to detail in the comments is amazing. Sarah Goldstein would hire you all). Edit II: 2028 -> 2029. Edit III: Glad to see most of you liked the joke! Shoutout to Heather for being my fellow old jewish mother through thick and thin, and shoutout to my awesome girlfriend on her birthday! Miss you boo :-*
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They kill your dog.
Your tie.
Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger
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Because the last one to have a dream got shot
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Because atomic bombs are really bright.
You get a sandwich maker and a punching bag all in one.
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But not me, I live next to two really hot ten year old's.
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too close to the gas chamber
Because their favorite part is when the hooker returns the money.
On the TV, a suicidal man is on top of a building, threatening to jump. The blonde turns to the brunette and goes "I bet you 50 bucks he doesn't jump". Without hesitating, the brunette takes that bet and right after, sure enough, the man jumps. The blonde hands the brunette the 50 bucks, but the brunette replies, "I'm sorry, I feel bad, I can't take your money as I already saw this on the 5:00 news". The blonde replies back, "So did I - I just didn't think he would do it again".
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