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avatar Flankson 4 year.agoA wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?" She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?" Growing tired she asks him "Can you at least mow the lawn?" again he replies "Do I look like a gardener?, now leave me alone I've got to go to work". When he comes back from work, the leak is fixed, the light has stopped flickering and the lawn has been cut perfectly, he turns to he wife, "How did you do all this?" "You know fat Terry down the road, i called him and asked him to do it for me" the husband grows angry and says, "how much have you wasted now?" "Nothing at all" she says "Terry said he would do it for a chocolate cake or a blowjob" The husband smiles, "He does like his cake old Terry", the wife replies "Do I look like a baker?"

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I went to a Chinese restaurant and the food was so undercooked...

it started purring.

2. I like my women how i like my pigs

Never mind i forgot that those are the same thing

3. Cops aren't to jail for killing blacks.

They're going to jail for killing blacks ON CAMERA. Gotta be smarter guys!

4. I have found the perfect solution for the cops who murder blacks

Just report them to PETA for animal abuse

5. I suppose billiards will be targeted next

seeing as the whole game is about the white ball dominating the coloureds...

6. Im so glad my dad gave me the talk and showed me how to put on a condom at an early age

Could have made it a little less awkward if he showed it on a banana, though.

7. What pleases 9 out of 10 people?

Gang Rape

8. Three K’s a day keeps the minority’s away

9. Horse tile

**Reporter**: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" **Man**: "Yes!" **Reporter**: "Name?" **Man**: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." **Reporter**: "Sex?" **Man**: "Three to five times a week." **Reporter**: "No no! I mean male or female?" **Man**: "Yes, male, female… sometimes camel." **Reporter**: "Holy cow!" **Man**: "Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general." **Reporter**: "But isn’t that hostile?" **Man**: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." **Reporter**: "Oh dear!" **Man**: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”

10. Say what you want about pedophiles but at least they drive through school zones slower...

11. Why doesn't santa Claus have any children?

He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney

12. What do you say to a stroke survivor?

Looks like you had a stroke of luck

13. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because anyone who can run jump and swim is already in the USA.

14. Protesters have broken in to the government building in Hong Kong.

They found a few Chinks in security.

15. Why does black lives matter more in the past?

Nothing is cheaper than good ol free slave labor for your fields

16. I can never cheat on my girlfriend

That’s why I cheat on my wife.

17. A preschool class is going over animal noises

The teacher asks "so what does the doggy say"? Katie replies "woof" "That's right," says the teacher, "And what does the cow say?" "Moo" says Jonathan "Very good. Now what does the piggy say?" Jamal says "freeze nigga put yo hands up!"

18. How do you make a Jew go everywhere?

Turn on the fan.

19. Blonde Joke.

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

20. How many femenists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ha, that's a silly question, feminists can't change anything

21. I nearly panicked when I couldn't find my Jordan jersey today.

I almost lost Michael. ​ edit: Sorry, my dyslexic cunt of a son just hacked into my account

22. What do you say to a cooked newborn baby?

It was born ready.

23. Why does Iran not have Wallmarts?

Because they have Targets

24. Why do Japanese people squint?

Because the Atom Bomb is bright

25. You can call my girl nokia 3310,

No matter how many times I beat her, She never breaks.

26. Modern women are like home-brand dishwashing detergent.

They won't clean your dishes and they leave you with a nasty rash.

27. Dating a single mother:

It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

28. Fastest way to kill 2 million people?

Throw a cookie off a cliff in Ethiopia

29. I did a stand-up comedy gig for Alzheimer's sufferers. It was brilliant.

Two hours, one joke.

30. What do you call a Black person who was born in Tokyo?

a Japanegro

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