littleboy_xxxx 3 year.agoA housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it is.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.” Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?” Boy: ‟$250.” In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes, it is..” Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.” Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?” Boy: ‟$750.” Man: ‟Fine.” A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, ‟I can't. I sold them.” The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?” The son says, ‟$1,000.” The father says, ‟It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.” They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, ‟Dark in here.” The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again.”
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One is a rubber and the other is a rub her.....
I actually have a few people in mind..
because this morning I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.
But if you have company then you should wear a condominium
Because they use honeycombs.
I saw an advertisement in a shop window saying "Accountant needed, €35,000 - €40,000. Call [number]. I called the number and told them "You don't need an accountant. The answer is minus €5,000."
You ask Siri, bro.
The tender
It was when I saw how much the ring would cost.
That is to say, she's always right about everything and blows up if I tell her otherwise.
. I'm tempted but I'm worried it might make me a bit two cocky.....
You'd still be in debt but at least you saved four years.
She was starting to sound just like my wife.
The second nightstand.
He turned and asked the female prisoner "What would you like to eat for your last meal? She replied "I dunno, whatta you want?"
Custom Office :have you ever been convicted of any crimes? Me: I didn't realize that was still a requirement for getting in here
I told her I thought it was because I was so good-looking and charming. She replied, "See? you're hilarious"
Easily the best cognitive bias I’ve ever heard of
Sockamole.
The first nurse goes to check on him and notices that he had a massive erection so she tells the other nurses to give him a good send off by have sex with him. The first nurse does it and stops after getting tired. The second does the same and stops to share with the third nurse. The third nurse was a bit reluctant to do it because she was on her period and she felt embarrassed to show the other nurses. Eventually she gives into her desires and has sex with him and all of a sudden the man wakes up. The nurses are baffled and wonders what happened until the man says, " thanks ladies after 2 jump starts and a blood transfusion i feel fucking amazing."
He took one look and said, "It's too late, sir." "Too late?" I frowned. "What do you mean it's too late!!" He said, "My shift finishes in ten minutes."
A blonde girl was watching the news with her friend and the journalist said "4 Brazilian men died in a plane crash" The blonde girl gets all upset, she's crying hysterically and says "how could they allow so many people on the plane"!!!
We were having a beer the other day when he demonstrated his latest work: Stealth technology for his wheelchair. Though it was very impressive, I did feel the need to remind him: "You can hide, but you can't run."
The first one said “My wife is so stupid she spent $3000 on a new kitchen and she can’t even cook!” The second one said “My wife is so dumb she spent $40,000 on a new car and she can’t even drive!” The third friend chuckled and said “that’s nothing, my wife is going on a business trip - she bought 5 condoms and she doesn’t even have a penis!”
The first guy says " I bought my wife a Louis Vuitton handbag and a Prada handbag. If she doesn't like the LV, she can take the Prada one out." The second guy says "i bought my wife a blue Ferrari and a red Ferrari. If she doesn't like the blue one, she can drive the red one." The third guy says "i bought my wife socks and a dildo. If she doesn't like the socks, she can fuck herself."
This guy walks into a bathroom and there's another guy just standing at the urinal. He looks up when the guy enters and with a sigh of relief says " i know this is strange but can you please help me? I promise I'm not being weird. " The second guy is like" wtf? What do you want? The first guy says " I really promise I'm not at all trying to be weird. Can you pull it out for me?" The second guy says "again wtf, are you sure? The first guy says" yes I promise you I'm not being weird " The second guy thinks for a moment and then says " as long as your not being weird " and reaching in pulls out the man's penis which turns out to be all purulent and green . He jumps back and says "what the crazy shit is that?" The first guy says" I don't know, but I'm not touching it."
They both make a noise if you hit them with a stick
He asks the soldier, "Soldier, why is that camel tied to the tent?" The soldier looks awkward and answers: "Er, well Sir, as you know there are no women on the base so er, the camel is there for when the men get certain.... um...urges" The general nods in understanding and says, "Well I don't condone this behaviour, but I suppose I understand" A few weeks into the post, the general starts feelings these urges himself. He calls for the soldier to bring the camel to his tent. He then goes outside, gets a stool, and has wild animal sex with the camel. After he's finished, he climbs confidently off of the stool and sees the soldier staring at him, wide-eyed. "So" the general says with a grin, "Is that how you boys do it here?" The soldier answers, still wide-eyed, "No Sir, we usually just ride the camel into the nearby town where the women are"
They were very excited about the skunky evening in store for them and were talking about it all week. They were both disappointed and entirely amused when Seymour showed up on Saturday with a six pack of Corona beer.
The blind kid feels them and replies “I ain’t reading all that”
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