Haji comes to the United States from India, and he's only here a few months when he becomes very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, but none of them can help him. Finally, he goes to an Indian doctor. The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go into de other room, shit in de bucket, piss on de shit, and then put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes." Haji takes the bucket, goes into the other room, shits in the bucket, pisses on the shit, bends over, and breathes in the fumes for ten minutes. Then he comes back to the doctor and says, "It worked! I feel terrific. What was it?" The doctor replies, "You were homesick."

After five or six of 'em he wouldn't be able to drive for shit and nothing he said would make any damn sense.

two nukes weren't enough Edit: got banned from r/history for using this joke over there Edit 2: thanks for the support guys, they can grow three arms but they cant take a joke?

I pull out of my driveway.

Put it into airplane mode

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Well not in those words it was more like "Dad this is my new boyfriend Muhammed"

Concentration problems

If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

My cock.