Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

"Mom I had the worst first day at college, I forgot to bring a binder and I fell to pieces."

The leave at dawn and begin wandering deeper and deeper into the woods. After many hours of hunting they eventually realise it is beginning to get dark. Neither one wants to admit it though. After getting so deep into the woods that they are completely lost they eventaully decide that it is getting dark. They begin eandering in another direction trying to escape the forest. After many hours of trying to escape, they eventually agree that they are lost. One of the hunters has the idea of fire shots in the air to ask for help. So he tells the other Hunter the fire three shots in the air or he sets up camp. When they are about to go to bed he asks the other hunter to try one more time. The other hunter says no I can’t. I only have one arrow left.

>!But it is on my bucket list!<

The absent-minded professor sits at his desk, tapping his pen against his notebook. “Alright,” he mutters. “A knock-knock joke. Simple structure. Shouldn’t be hard.” He writes: Knock-knock. He pauses, frowns, and scratches his head. “Wait… Who’s there?” He flips through his notes. Nothing. He checks the bookshelf. No answer. He digs through his desk drawer. Just old lecture slides. Finally, he shrugs and writes: Knock-knock. Who’s there? I… don’t recall. He leans back, satisfied. “Yes. That’ll do.”

Susie: Sure! *Charlie* and *The Chocolate Factory*!

They place a conch shell on the desk, walks out of the classroom, and locks the door from the outside.

“I’m looking for the man who shot my pa”

Two young women athletes on a trip to a competition decided to save money by sharing a hotel room. During the first night, they undressed and slid into the king-sized bed. When one of them snuggled up to the other, she said, “There’s something I need to tell you about me, so let me be frank.” “No,” said the other, “I’d rather not do it that way. Let me be Frank.”

Ann Arbor

You know what? I'm exstatic

(with a southern drawl) Don't matter, he ain't comn'

and they were told by a tribe that each one should go get a fruit and shove it deep inside his ass. the first one got an apple. after he put it, he screamed so they killed him, the second guy got grapes, after he put it he burst out laughing, after they asked him why he was laughing he said i couldn't resist after i saw the third guy with 2 watermelons

Bulldozer

One's a Fedex, the other's an ex-Fed.

So this farmer is going door-to-door selling peaches. His luck hasn’t held up and he’s feeling a little down as he knocks on the door of a beautiful Victorian home. A gorgeous young woman answers, wearing nothing but a thin teddy. She asks the farmer “what may I help you with, fine sir?” The farmer takes a big gulp and says “Ma’am, I’m selling my peaches. Locally grown and organic, from my own family orchard.” “Well, sir, are they as peachy as this?” as she slides her teddy to one side, revealing a magnificent breast. GULP, and a single tear slides down his cheek. “Yes, Ma’am, they are wonderful.” She slides her teddy fully off of her shoulders, revealing her entire chest and asks, “are they as sweet and plump as this?” Tears begin rolling down his cheeks as he replies, “Oh Yes, Yes they are!!” As her lingerie hits the floor, she asks, “and are they fuzzy and juicy as this?” Bawling, tears rolling, teeth chattering, he cries out “YES, Oh God yes!! They are MAGNIFICENT!!” The young woman grabs her meager bit of clothing to cover herself, screaming at the farmer, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU FREAKING OUT??” The poor farmer, reduced to sobs and sniffles, looks up from his tortured demeanor, and tells her, “The spring storms took my barn, the floods took my crops! The drought of summer dried up my wells and took my animals!! And pneumonia stole my wife…”. As she begins to say how sorry she is, he continues to”AND NOW…I’m going to get fucked out of my peaches!!”

Depends.

Fed-y Wap

I got 99 problems, but the beach ain't one of them

Russia has less school shootings and more trade partners.

The onions are acidic, but you shouldn't use them in a battery.

Counter-culture chefs use it to oppose the mainstream onions.

Amazon’s Mechanical Turk.

Gluten tag!

A private tutor

Now I know why people call you handsome

The 2010s-2030s will be described the same way, except we skipped the party.

- Half an hour, but if you help me, it'll be faster. - No, half an hour is fine!

A couple has two stunningly beautiful daughters, but their third child is a very ugly son. Man to his wife: "You cheated on me!" "No, not this time"

Obviously, he started out as an amateur playing music for free, but as soon as he starts charging money, he's Pro Bono.

"Rosario can you bring us more coffee?""