wimpykidfan37 3 year.agoA lesbian named Linda went to the beach. She unrolled her towel, removed her clothes, and lay down in her bikini. She looked to her left and saw an absolute knockout of a woman lying on her towel, reading a novel."This woman is absolutely gorgeous," thought Linda. "She's the hottest woman I've ever seen. With my luck, she's a lesbian too. I should start up a conversation." She turned to the woman and asked, "What sort of stuff do you like?" "I like plants," replied the woman. "Do you like sunflowers?" "Yes." "Do you like pine trees?" "I like them too." "Do you like pussy willow?" Suddenly, without warning, the woman tore off her bikini. Then she leapt onto Linda's towel and ripped off hers. Linda was shocked at first, but then realized that this was exactly what she had wanted. So, the two women rolled around, making passionate love, and were inevitably kicked off the beach. As Linda drove home, she thought to herself, "How did that lady know I was a lesbian?" As the other woman drove home, she thought to herself, "How did that lady know my name was Willow?"
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but it sure makes the evening more memorable.
None. They just sit in the dark blaming the bulb for not screwing them.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
An Amish drive by.
Because they're both right.
Because they are traveling light.
Hindsight is 2020
Only if you burn yourself.
“Are you still holding the ladder son?”
His Dad says, "Son, you can't have it both ways."
If it isn't autocorrect
One’s good in bed, one’s good in bread, and one’s a good inbred.
None. They use Gaslighting instead.
...you've technically witnessed a race related shooting
She never saw it coming.
Tough shit
Worst prostate exam I ever had.
“My wife is the most suspicious person I know,” the guy shared with a sympathetic friend. “If I come home early, she suspects I want sex. And if I come home late, she suspects I’ve already had it.”
Mechanic asks, “What’s the problem with your car?” Guy says, “Look inside”. Mechanic looks inside and says, “All I see is a lamp”. Guy says, “Yeah, it’s a Slavic made lamp but the bulb is Native American.” Mechanic: “So?” Guy says: “It’s a Czech Injun light.”
And backed up over a vampire.
With all the new tariffs they can no longer afford French kissing.
I'm fucking baffled
It was a business doing pleasure with you.
I ride the bus
"I've got good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" "Give me the bad news first." "You have two weeks to live." "Two weeks to live?? What can the good news possibly be?" "I bowled a 290."
She was lack-toes intolerant.
If you accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.
I wasn't a fan and to be honest, I don't know what all the hype is about. However, the rest of the pie was nice.
Volkswalken
It turns out that “cyber truck” is South African for “Ford Pinto”.
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