Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. EDIT: epic

The Pope leaned towards Mr. Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped him

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one. Turns out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I'm stuck with a criminal president under federal investigation from day one. This isn't my joke, but I never saw it on Reddit before. I don't know the source.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.