Crosses ✝️

Before them was a glittering idol, solid gold and encrusted in precious stones. They stuffed it into their pack and continued exploring, when suddenly they were surrounded by an African tribe. Fierce jungle warriors, wrapped in animal skins and wearing necklaces of human teeth and ears, pointing razor-sharp spears at the terrified explorers. The tribal chief approached them and cried out, "You have stolen the idol of our ancestors!!! You must now choose your fate!" He pointed to the first explorer and said "Death, or Bongo-Bongo?" The explorer didn't need long to think: "Well, I sure don't want to die, I' guess I'll take that Bongo-Bongo". The tribe leapt upon him, tore off all of his clothes, bent him over a tree stump, and one by one brutally "had their way" with him. One after the other, five, ten, twenty warriors, each more vicious than the last. Finally, it was over. The explorer staggered away, blood streaming down his bruised thighs. He collapsed sobbing on the ground as the chief pointed to the second explorer. "What shall be your choice? Death... or Bongo Bongo??" The explorer shook his head. "After seeing that, I guess I'll just choose death!" "SO BE IT!!!" The chief called. "DEATH BY BONGO BONGO!!!"

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet"

Ken came in another box.

While taking a trip through a native reservation, a man was approached by a young Algonquin woman who offered herself to him for $200. “That’s a lot of money,” he said, “Manhattan Island cost less than that.” “Yes,” she replied, “but unlike me, Manhattan Island just lies there.”

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.

"A group of nuns is painting their convent on a hot summer day. Mother Superior tells them to hurry up and finish because the blind man is coming. The nuns get so hot from working in the heat that one suggests they take their tops off to cool down. Another says, 'OK, I guess it’s just a blind man that’s coming.' The blind man arrives and says, 'Nice tits. Where do you want the blinds?'"

She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready. A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body. He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat. A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations. When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."

He always said "aye when ye get Bonnie bared don’t pollute!”

Talk of the town was that the nut screws and bolts.